cold and bored

I am freezing and it is 4:56 A.M. on a nice Monday morning. I needed a break from studying geography and wanted to do something different so I thought I would just talk. I am so ready to get back into nursing school. Don't ask me why? because it was a living hell but at the same time that is all I know. I am working harder than ever in geography to get an A but learning so many new things that I never knew about the world.. so it all equals out in the end. but still, I am so nervous about getting back into the nursing program and forgetting everything that I learned from 1st, 2nd and 3rd level.. if you are reading this and don't understand why I am freaking out then put it this way.. I was kicked out of the nursing program for you know.. just some fingernail polish, running a little late to clinicals and last.. the IV bag that I thought I would hang longer than my teacher does.. but hey, I thought I was being cost efficient? but no..I got kicked out. after learning 3 semesters of Fundamentals, Community, Assessment, Psychiatric, Maternity, Medsurg 1..important dealing with the heart.. maybe something you might need in life plus more important body systems and now I am sitting out a YEAR.. I will reapply in the fall and start back off with medsurg part 2 (where I left off) but still, think about it.. I am going to be accepted back into this program to take care of peoples lives after I have been isolated from it for a year.. do you realize how much information that can possibly be erased? and yes I know I can read and keep up.. but guess what? I now have to work my butt off to get A's in classes like first aid, culture through cinema, geography, CIS, etc. so that I can pull up my GPA. Now are you scared? because I am.. I don't want to take care of people without being confident in my knowledge about certain drugs, diseases, body systems.. It isn't right. Isn't school a learning process? I know I shouldn't have worn nail polish but goshhhhh... I now know that it is not acceptable and I will never do it again.. but why make me sit out a year, get out of my normal routine of nursing life and then somehow jump right back into it. If you are a nursing major you understand.. it is an entire different life when you are in THE nursing program.. your life is over.. no lie. It is over. done. end of story. You study literally your entire day. I would come home from class.. 3 pm, eat a snack, 4 pm start studying, 6 pm bathroom, 6:05 pm start back until 4 am, maybe wash your hair or face to wake you up and then back to school at 7:00 am and the process is a vicious cycle. I still don't sleep much thanks to this routine but there is so much to learn in so little time. and if you want to be a successful nurse you have to know everything. with the classes I am taking now I have so much time on my hands but I want to make sure I make an A in everything.. but still.. I feel weird not having to really study every second of my life.. I feel weird that I can get on here and have a blog to yell at the world.. which no one reads these but still.. it makes me stress free. With all of that being said I just really want to stick with one lifestyle and quit jumping in and out of the fun life vs. misery. just let me stick with one people please??
Other than that.. my life is not so well right now. EXCEPT for the fact that my sister is pregnant for her first time! I will be an aunt in April and I cant wait!!! Hopefully it will be born on my birthday. We wont know the sex until December but I am definitely leaning towards it being a boy.. I don't know why, but I feel it. The bad part of my life right now is when I think I am getting things right and perfect they go completely wrong. I try so hard to make this person happy and the end result is 92% of the time things go way wrong. my words come across as insults and my actions that I thought were jokingly funny turn into the biggest catastrophe you could ever imagine. I get so frustrated because I just want to laugh.. but i guess that is the immaturity in me.. I like to cut up and laugh a lot.. sometimes to much, but why be so serious? There is a time for serious and a time for jokes but I guess I just don't understand. I hope I can learn my mistakes and fix them. Other than that.. I am pumped because my grades are wonderful and my family makes me laugh. I also have great friends. I am thankful for all I have!! but I don't need to be on here babbling.. I need some sleep.. I will write back soon!!